Friday, July 1, 2011

Van Food

I wish life was all Vegan Yachts and Spiral Diners. But alas, time on the road in the van is filled more so with unpleasant options, especially when I’m too lazy or hungover to hit up a grocery store before we’re back on the road. Here’s a few examples.

The old reliable. Canned beans, canned corn, and canned tomatoes (if I’m lucky its Rotel brand) spread on a flour tortilla. There's an added bonus of some avocado. This meal’s a bit tricky sometimes. First you need to get the juice out of the cans or else it’ll be too messy and you’ll drip juices all over your pants and look like you have serious jizz stains…more so than normal even. In this instance I drained it all into a Tupperware container and proceeded to drink the mixed juices with a fellow band member. Much to the horror of our van mates, we were passing the bowl of “Fart Broth” back and forth. I should have taken a picture of that instead. This was eaten somewhere around the Oklahoma panhandle.

Here’s one of the times where I was pissed off at food. I tried to hit up this Mexican spot inside a truck stop in the middle of nowhere outside Beaver Utah (they sold I heart Beaver shirts…classy) en route to Las Vegas and felt a bit optimistic when I saw they had a vegetarian burrito on the menu.

“Is there lard in the beans?” I ask.
“You don’t want beans on your burrito?”
“Uhhh No. Esta Manteca en las frijoles?”

Finally the manager says that there’s lard in the beans. I turn into a big bitch and say “Well then I guess it’s not a vegetarian burrito then is it” and walk away. I sure fixed that guys wagon. Score one for the vegans.

All pissy now, I march around the truck stop looking for something to eat. Honestly I was lucky to find this veggie plate. Normally I’d be stuck with chips, a banana, or some overly salted nuts. I tried to ignore my hippy brain telling me carrots and celery absorb a ton of pesticides while I ate this. And the Kettle Salt and Pepper chips are too damn tasty to turn down this time. Still super unsatisfying meal. Wahhhh.